Listening to your body and giving it what it is asking for. Perhaps I can better say:
Listening to this ‘inner voice’ we all have and unfortunately
also often ignore and go for the mind.
I am just going to spit it out: today, after almost two years, I ate meat again.
So, about two years ago, I went vegan. Some documentaries had a huge impact on me. Conversations with people also. I was triggered, felt sorry for the animals, told myself I did not need it anyway. In the beginning, it was quite easy. But more and more I started to struggle with what to eat. Beans, a famous ingredient in the vegan cuisine, were making me (even more) gassy. Yes, you read it well: more. I have a sensitive stomach/disgestion and gassiness is, unfortunately, a big part of my life. Eating slower, chewing more, being careful with some ingredients helps but still. Back to the beans: so they were not creating happiness, but gassiness. Wauw, my writing is creative at night time!
I remember standing at the supermarket, having no creativity what to cook. Very little to no wheat, no refined sugar: that’s something I am dealing with since I am 18 years old. Now I had to add: no dairy, no meat, no fish. Tofu and tempeh, which I loved before, were getting boring also. For a while, I tried eating lots of carbs, like some vegans do. But I noticed getting hungry again within 1-2 hrs. Crazy up and downs in energy. I was getting annoyed. I missed my creativity, I missed flexibility. I missed an egg, simply a scrambled or boiled egg with breakfast.
I decided to remove the stamp ‘vegan’ of my forehead. In a way, it felt like I could breathe again. The first animal product I added to my diet again: eggs. Then, some dairy, like cottage cheese and feta cheese. After a while, I started to eat fish again. Not frequently, perhaps twice a month. That’s how it has been for about two years now.
Like 6-8 months ago, I started to have meat cravings. Mostly beef and sometimes chicken. I ignored these cravings. But in the past month, it has gone to the point that I am finding myself at the supermarket, holding a package with beef or chicken, looking at it and with lots of discipline, putting it back.
Kindness, for all beings on our beautiful world. Animals belong to our world. It should not be the way it is nowadays, that they are locked up in tiny places. Get treated, the way they are.
But were was my own kindness to myself? What was I doing… Craving meat for over 6 months and ignoring it completely. What was I trying to proof? I started to get angry. Why was I making such a drama and stress. The world won’t stop turning if I once buy, prepare and eat meat.
Pffff, it’s been a crazy day. Already last night, I told myself: “Deike Louise, you are craving meat since months now. So tomorrow, you will do it. You will do it. No excuses.”
I considered going out for dinner somewhere. But then I decided to buy it myself and prepare a nice dish. I found a nice Korean recipe, bought the ground beef at the organic store and went home. First, cooking rice. Then, it was time to unpack the ground beef. I held the package in both hands, closed my eyes and told the beef my appreciation. I unpacked it, took the beef out with my bare hands and started with the recipe.
Mind vs. intuition
Sitting at the table with the dish in front of me, I did a little ‘appreciation’ thing again. Then, I started eating. Telling my mind to shut the f*ck up. Because trust me, it was yelling non-stop at me: ”You are a betrayer, this poor cow died for you, etc.” My intuition, although it was hard to hear thanks to my screaming mind, was quite enjoying it. A feeling of gratefulness, that I finally listened to it.
No idea how this will continue, in sense of: was this only once, or will I start eating meat more frequently. I only feel one thing right now:
Happy and proud, that I was finally stronger than my mind and listened to my intuition.
… Did not look of the window yet. Hope the world is still turning?!